


The Sound of Nightmares

by DivineVarod



Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: Acting, Angst and Fluff, Anxiety Attacks, Artistic Sensibilities, Caring, Conditioning, Established Relationship, International Fanworks Day 2016, Love, Lullabies, M/M, Music, Regret, Sleep Deprivation, The Sound of Music - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-15
Updated: 2016-02-15
Packaged: 2018-05-20 05:04:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5992594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DivineVarod/pseuds/DivineVarod
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Rimmer suffers from anxiety and sleeplessness Lister has only one way of comforting him ...</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Sound of Nightmares

“Listy, Dave … Listy …” Rimmer said softly, shaking the man sleeping next to him.  
  
Lister groaned and rolled over.  
  
“Listy, please …” Rimmer said a bit louder and more urgent now.  
  
Lister sighed, Rimmer obviously needed him; “Wha …” he grunted, turning back to face his partner.  
  
“C … cant sleep …” Rimmer said in a tiny but quite anxious voice.  
  
Lister frowned, that was no reason to wake him up, was it?  
  
“If I'm snoring that badly you could just push me …”  
  
Rimmer shook his head, he looked awkward, staring down at his hands that were fidgeting nervously.  
  
“It's not that. I'm so used to that I lay awake when you're not snoring through some kind off inner ear Stockholm Syndrome.”  
  
“Well, what then?” Lister said impatiently. He was tired and had just been having a fantastic dream about a giant dancing curry.  
  
“I … I just wanted to talk a bit.” Rimmer's voice was shaking.  
  
“Talk? Arnold, it's almost four in the morning!! And I can't believe it's me saying that!!”  
  
Rimmer closed of hearing Lister sounding so annoyed, his breath quickened and his voice sounded shaky when he replied. “I'm sorry, go back to sleep Listy. I'm sorry. It was just … I felt … I'm so … Forget I spoke.”  
  
And that was the last thing Lister could do now. The sleep fog clearing from his mind he realised something was wrong here; Rimmer never usually woke him up and now he was rambling. Clearly he was upset.  
  
He noticed the Hologram was getting out of bed, his breathing sounding almost hitched. Damn, he must have unsettled him even more snapping like that.  
  
Sometimes Rimmer seemed to regress into a terrified eight-year-old and had to be treated with delicacy, this was obviously one of these moments.  
  
“Wait, a minute Arn, I don't mean it, I'm not angry. There's something wrong, isn't there? Yer upset. Come on, what's going on?”  
  
Rimmer looked at him gratefully then gazed down at his hands again.  
  
 “I'm scared …” Rimmer said so softly Lister could barely hear it.  
  
Lister moved his hand to Rimmer's and felt it was cold and trembling.  
  
“Why are you scared Arnie?”  
  
“Don't know …”  
  
Rimmer sounded close to tears now, Lister looked up at him.  
  
“Oh, hey. Come on, something must be bothering you?”  
  
Rimmer closed his eyes. “If I tell you promise me you won't mock me?”  
  
“Promise.”  
  
“I … haven't really properly slept in days …” Rimmer muttered, wringing his hands. “I keep getting these panic attacks. When I do fall asleep a bit I have these horrible nightmares. I think I only slept two hours in the last five days …”  
  
Lister stared at Rimmer and saw how deeply unhappy he looked. He had been very busy these past few weeks but how had he missed this?  
  
“But … Arn, why didn't you tell me, luv?”  
  
Rimmer shook his head and rubbed his face with his hands.  
  
“You were always sleeping so peacefully and you've been so busy with your Robotics Training Programme studies … I … I didn't want to bother you with my problems. It was just … I was feeling so bad right now … I'm sorry … I shouldn't …"  
  
Rimmer sounded close to another panic attack.  
  
“Hey, hey, come on man!” Lister comforted Rimmer as he sat up and hugged him. “It's okay. I'm not angry and I wanna help you, understood? Never feel you can't come to me.”  
  
Rimmer sniffled softly.  
  
“Thank you.”  
  
Lister kissed his forehead and ruffled his curls. Rimmer was really cold, he felt. Must be the panic attack.  
  
“Would you like some hot milk Arnold?”  
  
Rimmer nodded, relieved he wasn't alone anymore.  
  
Lister quickly went out to get Rimmer his drink, he decided to add a few drops of “holo-sedative” hoping it would calm his anxious partner a little.  
  
When he came back he found the Hologram sitting on the bed huddled in his blanket his knees pulled up underneath his chin. He looked frightened and fragile. Lister gave him the steaming mug and then sat himself next to the upset man, softly rubbing his back.  
  
“You must have been feeling so bad Arnie.” Lister said gently as Rimmer warmed his hands on the mug and slowly drank the calming liquid. “You shouldn't hide that, it makes me feel bad when you're hiding things like that. If you need help you gotta tell someone.”  
  
“I'm sorry. I'm not used to talking about this. I thought you … you would think … I don't know.”  
  
Lister looked at him. “You were scared I'd laugh at you?”  
  
“I was scared you'd leave me.”  
  
“Why would I do that?”  
  
“Because I'm useless, because of the nightmares … Because everyone always does.”  
  
“You're not, not your fault and I'm not everyone. Where the smeg would I go anyway?”  
  
He saw the flickering of a smile in the corner of Rimmer's mouth, it disappeared quickly.  
  
Lister wrapped his arms around Rimmer and pulled him towards him, the Holograms head resting on his chest.  
  
“I'm here, alright?”  
  
He felt Rimmer nodding.  
  
A small silence, Rimmer shivered.  
  
“I'm so tired Listy …”  
  
"I know ..." Lister said softly, rubbing Rimmer's arm. “Is there anything I can do?”  
  
Silence.  
  
“Would … would you play the song for me …?”  
  
“What song?” Lister sighed, knowing but hoping against hope.  
  
“That song, my favourite song …”  
  
“Oh Arnold, not again!”  
  
Rimmer looked up at him: “Please? It calms me.”  
  
Lister looked at his clearly sleep deprived partner's face and saw the tired hazel eyes pleading.  
  
He sighed.  
  
“Okay, but only because it might help you sleep!” He said begrudgingly. Then he smiled: oh well, how many times did Rimmer actually ask him to play his guitar instead of threatening to throttle him with it?  
  
Lister grabbed his guitar and sat himself on the floor next to Rimmer's side of the bed, his holographic partner curled up and stared at him with love in his eyes.  
  
“Now, close your eyes and try to relax Arn.” Lister said, gently moving a few curls from Rimmer's forehead. His partner complied.  
  
When Rimmer was comfortable Lister returned his attention to the guitar.  
  
Softly he begun to play, then sang:

 _“Edelweiss, edelweiss_  
_Ev'ry morning you greet me_  
_Small and white_  
_Clean and bright_  
_You look happy to meet me”_

As he sung Lister noticed his lover sighed contentedly and slowly relaxed.  
  
\---

Rimmer was the biggest Sound of Music fan in … well, the universe, seeing there was no-one to contest this claim. Almost every day he would play songs from it and he would watch the film as often as he had the chance.  
  
He had hidden his love for the musical for decades, as he didn't want Lister to laugh at him.  
  
When Lister found out he might have laughed for a second but he mainly felt sad that Rimmer would hide something he loved so much simply because he thought it would be seen as a “weakness”.  
  
Lister wasn't really surprised that his Hologram would love a musical about a tough military father growing softer through love, he felt the story held a lot of wish fulfilment for his traumatised partner.  
  
When no-one in the crew actually judged him for liking something so “camp”, Rimmer opened up about something he'd always wanted to do. He had not been enthusiastic about much in recent months, so Lister saw no harm in agreeing to making his dream come true.  
So one night the crew and six scutters found themselves dressed in their Austrian finery on a “Sound of Music” sing and play along night.

Rimmer directed the production with an iron fist: three full run throughs and several rehearsals before the big night.  
Rimmer was the Captain, of course. The Cat had no objections at being Liesl, mainly because he loved the costume. Kryten had harrumphed a bit at dressing as Mother Superior until Rimmer explained that his role was key to the story.  
The Scutters were furious at being dressed in little von Trapp children suits, Lister placated them by promising a John Wayne fan-day in the future. Lister himself, meanwhile, had kicked up a storm at being Maria and sulked until Rimmer agreed he could be “Mario” a singing Monk instead - “These are modern times Arnie, monks can do the same things nuns can!”

The joy of doing theatre had a profound effect on Rimmer; Lister had never seen his partner so confident and knowledgable. Rimmer created a full musical production out of four men some Skutters a few dispensers and the Medi-droid using an empty mining ship.  
The Hologram and the Cat designed various sets and costumes, Rimmer had glowed with pride when the Feline complimented his ideas.  
Rimmer also tweaked the script to suit their surroundings and personalities.  
Meanwhile all on board agreed that the way he portrayed the Captain was the best they'd ever seen.

Seeing him work Lister felt so proud of his partner – he was amazed at how talented Rimmer was when doing something he loved and was good at. It also gave him a pang of regret: all this talent wasted only because his family had conditioned him to think that the things he truly loved doing were wrong.  
  
He wondered how Rimmer's life would have turned out if he'd had the chance to go to Art School. He concluded that it would probably have been a lot better. This made him feel guitlty: he'd had a chance for which Rimmer would have given anything and had thrown it away because he'd been too lazy. That just proved how unfair life was.

The big night itself was a complete success. Cat and Kryten revelled in being luvvies and acted up a storm. The Cat's duet of “16 Going on 17” with the Medi-Droid was quite the sight. Meanwhile Dispenser number 4's portrayal of the Baronesses was a revelation.  
Lister could see Rimmer loved every second of it, he had rarely seen him this happy. Thankfully, apart from Rimmer actually tearing up when performing Edelweiss with Lister, the performance went without a hitch.

The day after the performance Lister had a surprise for Rimmer. He'd suspected the Hologram would feel a bit glum when it was over so had rigged the security cameras to register the full event and had then edited it as a stage movie.  
When he told Rimmer his partner was ecstatic. He'd never expected Lister to do this for him.  
  
To his amazement Lister had another surprise: their movie would premiere at the ship's theatre that night. He and Kryten had created a Red Dwarf red carpet event with snacks. Cat had been roped in to create the much needed glamour – in which he succeeded.  
  
Rimmer wasn't used to all this: people being kind to him and appreciating his work, so when Lister picked him up that night to watch his movie he appeared a bit confused and panicked. The Scouser had to explain that Rimmer had done something great and was allowed to enjoy his success. 

When the Hologram finally arrived the event could begin.

It was soon clear that Lister had done a great job with the editing and they were all delighted with how the film had turned out.  
  
The Cat was obviously pleased and purred in delight at his performance.  
  
Kryten was satisfied, but a bit disappointed in himself for missing the top notes in “Climb Every Mountain”.  
  
Lister was more than happy with his creation of “Mario, The Singing Monk”.  
  
Rimmer was quiet and when Lister looked at him near the end of the show he saw his eyes glistening with tears.  
  
Lister grabbed his hand.  
  
“What's wrong?”

“Thank you Listy.”

“For what?”

“All this …”

“Hey man, you created it. It was all you. I just recorded it.”

Rimmer smiled at Lister and then put his head on his shoulder.

“I think this might be the first time I did something just because it made me happy …”  
  
\---

The Sing and Play along nights would become a new monthly staple to their games nights schedules. Rimmer would impatiently look forward to them: starting on scripts and set and costume sketches long in advance.  
  
More often than not the stories would be Sound of Music based, but sometimes they would perform other musicals like The King and I, the Wizard of Oz or anything that Rimmer could adapt. At one point the Hologram had suggested Cats, until the Cat had declared that the musical wasn't a good representation of Feline life so was therefore Catcist.  
  
Lister had never been a big musical fan but Cat and Kryten seemed to enjoy it tremendously and, more importantly, the nights kept Rimmer smiling for days after, which was a good enough reason to put up with it. Rimmer had been through so much that there where often times he'd be in the throws of crippling depression for days on end or suffering flashbacks so anything that made him happy was valuable.  
  
\---

 _Edelweiss, edelweiss_  
_Bless my homeland forever_

Lister ended the song. He looked up and saw Rimmer breathing gently in a deep relaxing sleep, he smiled.  
  
Lister turned off all the alarms and the sun rise simulation then quickly scribbled a note to ensure Kryten wouldn't barge in first thing. He and Rimmer were having a lay in tomorrow.  
  
He slipped into bed and cuddled up to Rimmer. Tomorrow he'd tell the others they'd be starting preparations for a new Sing and Play along night two weeks early.  
  
All it took sometimes was a bit of love.


End file.
